The week of October 7- 14, 2012 is Mental Illness Awareness Week. Mental illness is still a taboo subject in the Black community. The only way to fight stigma is to have open, honest discussions.  I hope my “coming out” story encourages conversations and perhaps, helps one of you.

July 17, 1996

That was the night TWA Flight 800 crashed into the Long Island Sound. I did not know any of the 230 passengers aboard the ill-fated jetliner, yet after hearing the reports on television and reading the accounts in the newspapers my tears would not stop. I cried during the bus ride to work. My eyes welled up with tears as I emptied the de-humidifier.  I got a lump in my throat when answering the phone at work. It was more than an expression of empathy for the victims and their families.  The event seemed to unlock a deeper sadness within me.

The sadness began in earnest, a year after completing college. The excitement of moving to New York and entering the “adult world” in New York was gone. Getting dressed and going to work each morning became herculean tasks. Concentrating and executing tasks at work was extremely difficult. After work, there was no energy for dance, reading, and volunteer work, activities that once served as social and creative outlets. At night, I mustered the strength to do two things: eat dinner and slide into bed.

July 17, 1996 was my breaking point: I knew something was wrong, but could not explain it to family and friends. I thought “talking to someone” might help ease the sadness. I found a Black female licensed social worker (LSW)—yes, they do exist– through the Employee Assistance Program at my job. She eventually referred me to a psychiatrist who performed a battery of tests and arrived at a diagnosis: major depression. Hearing those words was shattering. Until that point depression or any type of mental illness generated the following equation in my mind:

MENTAL ILLNESS+BLACK WOMAN = [CRAZY+TALKING TO YOURSELF]+ ALONE²

Get over it

In the midst of my struggles some folks asked me, “What have you got to be depressed about?” Others emphatically stated, “You’re young, educated and have opportunities that most people only dream about. Get over it.” I cannot count the number of times someone suggested that by taking antidepressants I was just buying into Big Pharma’s plan to make us emotionless, chemically dependent zombies.  Uhm, just for the record, this is not what people coping with any health challenge want or need to hear.  Would you question the validity or legitimacy of an aunt’s diagnosis of Type II diabetes?  Would you offer treatment advice to a friend just diagnosed with breast cancer? Would you dare tell someone with asthma to “just be positive” and things will get better?

I do not know what biological changes made depression land at my doorstep in 1996. I do know that educational pedigree and a great job did not insulate me.

The real math:  Separating fact from fiction

Mental illnesses are medical conditions that disrupt a person’s thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others, and daily functioning. Serious mental illnesses include major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and borderline personality disorder.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) estimates that one in four adults—roughly 57.7 million Americans—experience a mental health disorder in any given year. One in 17 people live
with a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, major depression or bipolar disorder, and about one in ten children live with a serious mental or emotional disorder.

The U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services estimates that the annual economic, indirect cost of mental illness is $79 billion. Most of that cost—approximately $63 billion—reflects lost productivity due to illness.
Within the African-American community, there are many misconceptions about mental illness:

• We made it through slavery and segregation.
• You just need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and stop all this moping.
• You’re a strong black man/woman. Weakness is intolerable.
• Black people don’t ‘do’ therapy.
• Just pray on it.
• We need to pray that this demon spirit leaves you

According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) many factors can contribute to mental illness, including cognitive issues (e.g., negative thought patterns); biological and genetic factors; gender (it affects more women than men); other illnesses; prescriptions for other illnesses; and situational factors.  Mental illness does not discriminate.  It impacts people of all races and genders, regardless of educational background, income and religion. It is not punishment for bad behavior.  There is no demonic spirit at work.

SILENCE= DEATH

How have I managed my illness since 1996? I slowly assembled a support team consisting of a psychologist, psychiatrist and understanding, empathetic family and friends.  I learned how to pray in earnest. Through NAMI I learned about the biological causes of many mental illnesses and the latest treatments.  The organization also provided a safe space to interact with others that understand the challenges I encountered. There are still difficult times. The difference is that now I have awareness and an arsenal of tools to help me fight back.

The LGBT community penned the slogan “SILENCE = DEATH” during the early years of the AIDS epidemic. The same theory applies to mental illness.  “Coming out” about mental illness is a big risk. Folks may call me crazy. They may call me unstable. Whatever.  Silence about mental illness does equal death: death of dreams, death of hope, death of potential. I just can’t be silent anymore.

A good Muse passes along information that you can use.  Here are some resources to help along the journey. 

The Siwe Project :A global non-profit dedicated to promoting mental health awareness throughout the global black community. The goal of the organization is to widen the public dialogue regarding the lived experiences of people of African Descent with mental illness.

Willow Weep for Me: A Black Woman’s Journey Through Depression by Meri Nana-Ama Danquah

– Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting by Terrie Williams
–National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI):NAMI is the nation’s largest grassroots organization dedicated to improving the lives of individuals and families affected by mental illness. NAMI has a national organization as well as state organizations and local affiliates in more than 1,100 communities across the country. NAMI focuses on three cornerstones of activity that offer hope, reform and health: Support, education and advocacy.

–Mental Health America (MHA):  MHA is the country’s oldest and largest nonprofit organization addressing all aspects of mental health and mental illness. With more than 320 affiliates nationwide, Mental Health America works to improve the mental health of all Americans, especially the 54 million individuals with mental disorders, through advocacy, education, research and service.

–Stories That Heal: Terrie Williams’ Stay Strong Foundation collaborated with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) to create this website specifically for African American people living with mental health problems—and their friends and family.