Wearing the mask, also known as, living with depression.

At one point in my life if you asked people in my circle, “Who is Dori Ray?” you would get a variety of responses: Successful. Excellent mother. Community activist.  Dependable daughter.  Howard University alumna. Budding entrepreneur.  In public I was certainly all of those things. I got dressed each morning, put on one of those personas and left my house tired, broken, depressed and everyone was clueless.  I continued this charade for years. However, maintaining the act was exhausting. I started each month with less strength and energy than the one before.

I made the connection between my ongoing sadness and mental illness through my job in pharmaceutical sales.  One day I was reading the marketing material for a drug being introduced by my company.  The pamphlet asked a series of questions including:

• Have you experienced a depressed mood for more than 2 weeks?
• Are you feeling thoughts of guilt and worthlessness?
• Are you having trouble concentrating?

I had a surprising number of “yes” answers.  Upon completion of the “test” my first reaction was, “Oh my goodness, this can’t be. Dori Ray, mentally ill? I’m sorry, but that just does not look good on my resume!” Major Depressive Disorder appeared on my doorstep as an unwanted guest and slowly chipped away at my life until I eventually hit rock bottom. I was totally embarrassed by my illness. I sought medical attention and received some relief, but found it difficult to withstand the side effects of the medications.

As a Christian woman, I faced even more turmoil when confronting my illness.  People questioned my faith and asked if I believed God could make me better.  At that time I remember feeling that God was far away and He gave up on me because of all the crazy things I did in my life.  I convinced myself that I was being punished for my many bad decisions.   I was consumed with feelings of guilt and shame. Eventually, out of sheer desperation, with nowhere to turn or hide, I decided to face this disease and fight for my life.

Today, I live a life free of depression because I decided to believe I could be healed.  Most of you, like me, will start your journey of healing through medical treatment, pharmaceutical remedies and counseling.  As time progressed I decided to go a more natural route.  Today I eat differently, exercise regularly, use bioactive products, and get plenty of natural sunshine and trust that God is a healer!  I have also made it my personal mission to help you, our readers, find your path to wellness.  I am committed to exposing depression, the silent killer, and to save as many lives as I can.  I am also committed to joining the forces to remove the stigma attached to this ugly disease which managed if confronted.  Stay tuned for my expedition thru the lows and thankfully, through the highs.

Who is Dori Ray today? She’s a survivor.