Thursday nights, you can catch me, on the couch tuning into Grey’s Anatomy.  When Meredith Grey, a young intern on the show asked Doctor McDreamy to choose her, I screamed at the television, “Don’t wait for him. Choose you!” For me, this scene was far more than scripted television melodrama courtesy of Shonda Rhimes . Grey’s plea resonated with me.  It reflected a longing sometimes heard within my own heart: wanting someone to choose me. Over time, I have learned the power of turning this from a question to an affirmation: I choose me.

WHEN IS IT MY TURN?

I am surrounded by some beautiful, bad, and bodacious sisters but even they—like myself– wonder, “When is it my turn?”  We want to be chosen by the perfect mate, picked for the perfect job or receive a little help to make our load a little lighter.  So many of us have made choices we thought put us in positions to select the perfect mate or job, yet we are still waiting.   We went to the “right” schools.  Some of us put off having families until marriage only to find that our chances for having children are becoming slimmer. My friend Pat jokes that she now believes her parent’s recent gift of huge sums of money is from the wedding fund they think she will no longer need.

You cannot control how others respond to you. My sister recently interviewed for a job in a less-than-welcoming environment. Although she needed the job, I reminded her that interviews are a dialogue, not an interrogation. She has the power to choose.  I know of sisters languishing in three-person relationships, instead of choosing not to participate in chaos.  Some people hold on to a job, waiting to be chosen for a promotion that serves only as a carrot to keep them working.

DANCING BY MYSELF.

I’ll admit it: my heart plunged when McDreamy didn’t pick Grey.  It brought back memories of high school dances and nightclubs where I waited to be asked to dance.   I’m not sure when I started dancing alone at parties, but I did. One night it occurred to me that it was stupid not to dance because no one chose to take me to the floor.  Slowly but surely this mentality started taking over other parts of my life.  Now, if there is a nice restaurant I want to try, I don’t wait for someone to offer an invitation. I take myself.  If there is work I want to explore, I just do it, regardless of whether I become a millionaire.  I am not waiting for someone to choose my idea or my talent.  I choose me.  I am not going to sit idle while someone tries to make up his mind about whether he wants to be with me.  I want to be with me.

Choose you.  When you choose you, you will not stay in relationships that do not honor your spirit.  When you choose you, you will not harm your body with excessive weight, alcohol, or drugs.  When you choose you, your actions are not predicated upon the views or expectations of other mortals, but are dictated by what The Most High has moved you to do.  When you choose you, you will not blame others for the space where you dwell.   Choosing you is not selfish; it means you consider how decisions affect your mind, body and soul. The Most High knew this when you were “chosen” to be born and given the choice to breathe in life.  Therefore, who are you not to choose you?  Believe me, this is the best decision you will ever make.