From meltdown to gratitude

When the axle decided to disconnect itself from my car, I had a meltdown. Right there, in the middle of the street.  I had a meltdown. In the midst of my meltdown, I called one of my praying sister friends.  I told her, I could not take one more unexpected mishap to spiral me into a financial or spiritual crisis. She told me that the only way to combat spiritual warfare is to say a prayer of gratitude.  So, in my moment of despair, I stopped and reminded myself of all the things for which I am grateful.

I began with being grateful that my axle waited until I was safely off the highway and away from traffic to detach itself from the transmission. I was also grateful that I broke down across the street from an auto repair shop that was able to push my car into the station and diagnose the problem. I was even more grateful that I had train fare to get back home. Once I was home and was able to relax I began to take stock and to write a list of gratitude.

I wrote:

I am grateful for my grandmother because her wisdom and life testimony helps me to navigate waters I thought were deep and through her stories and wisdom I am able to see I am just playing in the shallow end. I am grateful for my parents who continue to support me and my dreams. I am grateful that God chose me to be Kali’s mother. I am grateful God gave me a sister and blessed her with my niece Jada. I am grateful for my learning disability which allows me to be a more compassionate and empathetic teacher. I am so grateful and thankful that I know Jesus and what his living instructs me to do and to be in human form. I am grateful I cannot see around corners because then I would not appreciate God’s miracles and understand the value of prayer. I am grateful for my Queens, those sister friends who keep me lifted not only with prayer but also by laying on hands when my spirit is challenged by folk who do not mean me well. I am grateful for the brothers in my life who show up as Kings and who model manhood in a positive way for my daughter and remind me of how honorable men act in relationships with women they say they love. I am so grateful for the lessons that have alerted my soul to listen when the spirit is talking.

Back to the drawing board.

A few weeks later, while standing at a bus stop I forgot all about being grateful. I was focused on the fact that I had only three dollars to spend at the one dollar Friday happy hour. While contemplating my limited budget I overheard a faint voice ask the man next to me for two dollars to get on the bus. That voice belonged to a grown woman that seemed to be mentally delayed. The man did not even look at her before responding, “No.”  I knew I was next, so I had a quick conversation with myself about what was more important:  my one dollar Long Island Ice Tea at happy hour tomorrow or giving this young woman bus fare. God was testing me. So when she turned to me, looking through her crooked glasses, I gave her the money without hesitation. She then loudly called to her friend, who was laying in the cut, “I got the money for the bus! Come on!”  When we both boarded the bus, she thanked me again. Her gratitude was contagious: I was glad to have two dollars to help her rather than having three dollars for a drink.

 The message.

When things are not going our way, it is easy to forget all the reasons we are grateful. Sometimes it takes one of God’s angel’s to ask us to spare some change to remember our wealth. Sometimes it takes a heart break to be grateful for all the love that surrounds us to help us heal. Then there are other times when God puts people in our lives who appear to transition too soon but leave a lesson about unconditional love and kindness that we are grateful to have experienced. Perhaps what we call trials and tests are really God’s way of jolting our memory about what it means to be grateful. It is during those times, God is offering us another opportunity to understand gratitude and to remember to be grateful all the time.